yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
