4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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