he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
