Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
