Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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