Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
