Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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