Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
