It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize