There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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