genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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