and you said cock pushups were impossible
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
