Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
