How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
