I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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