So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
