My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
