Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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