I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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