Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
