They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
