New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
