Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
