Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
