Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
