I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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