I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
