i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
