i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
