You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
