You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
