I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
