Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
