i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
