he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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