Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
