I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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