I think my fart just growled at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
