he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
