Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
