My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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