FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
