Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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