You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
