five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
