One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
