I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
