I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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