I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My bed smells like the plague
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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