her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
