Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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