He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
