Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
