if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You ruined the universe
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
