They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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