she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
