I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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