yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hippo gnu deer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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