i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
