Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
