I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
