Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
