no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You have to summon your inner elephant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
