I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
