You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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