no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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