Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
