Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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