Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
