You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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