I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
