I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
