you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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