listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
