Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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