she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's get the cat blown out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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