weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My vagina is very pro this idea
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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